


A Stone Wall Hiding Ruins

by Kiddi



Series: obey me character studies [1]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Light Angst, Loneliness, No Plot/Plotless, Not my best, POV Lucifer, Regret, he means well, i have a soft spot for lucifer, i wrote this really quick, lucifer is like actually kinda lonely, no beta we die like lillith, theres not much to tag here, this is honeslty really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:27:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23412319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiddi/pseuds/Kiddi
Summary: Lucifer, despite the popular opinion of his brothers, can indeed feel something other than anger or arrogance, he can feel a lot of things which he chooses to keep private and away from his mind as he has much better things to do with his time than deal with feelings.Sometimes though, the pretty marble wall cracks and crumbles and he allows himself to feel again.
Series: obey me character studies [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1684273
Comments: 13
Kudos: 87





	A Stone Wall Hiding Ruins

Lucifer, the eldest brother, the most powerful demon second only to the lord he’s bound to serve.

He is a prideful demon, rightfully so, but that often gets in the way of things, denies him pleasures and comforts.

His brothers are troublesome, loud, annoying, and irksome at the best of times, but he loves them all dearly even if they don't know that he does with how he often treats them when they step out of line, Mammon certainly no stranger to his punishments from disobediences.

Even so, he truly does care for his brothers, loves them even, as any brother should, but he’s responsible for keeping them in check, raising them to be proper and polite, shaping them into fine demons.

He sighs softly, drawing out of his thoughts, and looking into his glass of human world liquor, now almost empty.

He takes note of the clock on the far wall in his study. It’s well into the night, everyone asleep and tucked away in their rooms except for him, no, Lucifer is still in his much finer clothing and far away from his bed even asl sleep claws at his mind, but he can’t sleep, he has too many things running around in there to let himself doze off.

With a bitter laugh, he stands and pours another glass, much too full but the edge of the liquor helps to dull his thoughts enough to give him a respite when he does decide to go to sleep.

Settling back down in his chair, the room deadly silent he allows himself to just be, let's his mind play out his grievances, let's it punish him for his mistakes.

He sees everything so vividly as he closes his eyes.

He sees the fall.

He sees Lillith...well he doesn't see it more like feel it.

He sees his brothers slowly pull away, sees them all slowly start to resent him.

He feels a sharp pain in his chest and the burn from his liquor as he takes a too big drink from his glass.

His pride is all he has left of their past lives, it's what he holds dear to him and a wall he keeps up, tall and proud in front of the world, a wall that masks a heap of rubble and mass of once wonderfully brilliant feathers, now burnt and singed black.

Opening his eyes to stare at the wall ahead of him, stare sad and detached, he feels a rush of warmth fall down his cheek and drip onto his hand, then another a little after, until the avatar of pride is sobbing openly and loudly, pride being pushed aside.

Lucifer crumbles in on himself, the glass set down and his arms wrapping around his shaking shoulders as he lets himself be consumed by his regrets and his sadness.

He’s not sure if the others can see the cracks in his demeanour or the way he recoils slightly after one of them bites an insult at him, Satan especially.

He knows he’s not going about his whole thing right, he knows it very well and it’s pushing his family away from him, making them resent him and Lucifer can’t really help but agree with a small voice that tells him that this is for the best, if they're far away he can't hurt them anymore and if they all leave him alone then maybe he’ll be spared from his misery, his nightmares won't be as varied and painful, maybe he’ll finally stop seeing them all leaving him alone.

The clock striking the hour shook him from his thoughts once again with a small gasp, the tears were still freely falling from his face but it was time for him to sleep, he would be able to sleep in tomorrow since they didn’t have classes to attend.

Lucifer rose on shaking legs and sniffled pitifully as he made a feeble attempt to wipe his face, more tears replacing them.

He took his time heading to his room from his study, they were on nearly opposite sides of the house so he allowed himself to wallow in his misery, stifling his sobs best he could to not wake the others, but for once he did not care of the others saw him.

He reached his room and slid inside, shucking off his clothes and throwing them onto the nearby chair as he collapsed in his bed, effectively falling asleep after a bit.

It wasn't a peaceful sleep, it was riddled with nightmares, the most vivid one was their fall from grace but this time no one but he survived it and he was left alone.

If the others heard him cry or scream in his sleep they did not mention it the next morning at breakfast, where he sat with a thousand-yard stare, wishing desperately to not be an immortal being as death would be much swifter then this pain and misery he put himself through.

**Author's Note:**

> this was a very self-indulgent piece of writing that came to me in a rush and I had to write it, I like to think that behind all his pride, lucifer feels regret for what he does, that he has emotions that he pushes back and away.
> 
> let me know what you think and if you'd be interested in other studies of the other brothers


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